Furthermore, the notes are not automated - they are all written personally by me. So, you get an extra note/memo/letter (depending on my mood), in which I might just wax philosophic on any number of topics that seem relevant, preferably in a few sentences or less. Or I might talk about how it feels that you all are in this journey with me or I might talk about updates to the site. But whether I say very much or very little on any given day, it feels more personal. Like I'm talking directly to you. I feel more connected to the folks on the notifylist. There, I've said it.
02.14.03 - 4:38 p.m. i do not celebrate valentine's day, nevertheless . . .
we did not know / how much loveor trust our bodies could hold / until the field of wildflowers pressed fresh faces into morning / on the other sideof sex / you know i push away always the expectation on the underside of certainty yet none of my protestation / panic / nor neurotic trepidation can counter the flight of seed / wild / over desert-skin no denial in me can undo the red / yellow / purple / blue or especially orange /you and i have seen what orange can docan kiss into oblivion the confusion in my psyche the furrow in my brow any quarrel i could conjure or act of an ever-active ego or accidental prayer to the mosquito gods of miscommunication to the fruit-fly saints of self-flagellation to the immaculate mother of politics and linguistics to the vampire master of argument to a fallen faith's fear of commitment any fret or fuss i can unconsciously muster including and especially the marshalling of my best defensesand ease away over-sensitivity in sometimes untouchable flesh (untouched flesh that turns to dust under the slightest gust of wind / flesh that wrinkles me from twenty- three into crone in the darkened glass / --you did not know this: i have predicted my instantaneous and near-mythical death in this very mortal terror of sex / the opposite of seed i would become / a handful of sand scattered each isolated cell of me celibate and hard enough to cut raw flesh / --listen close: i repudiate this path will not follow it until i disintegrate into ash without your tongue your liquid touch to taste me soft)i have no resistancefor to catch every single raindrop before it falls burst open like a body in ecstasy upon the desert fertile with manifestingthis red / yellow / purple / orange / blue spectacle of our passion and touch and laughter and trust and certain love springing wild from steaming flesh
~from ariana waynes to arjuna suelto on february fourteenth, two thousand and three
