. . . arianainlove: confessions of a bisexual polyamorist . . .
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* it’s not lake merritt’s fault I wrote this poem * the wrestler misses your bed * Travelling With My Love In A Catholic Country * Rising Into Love With You * Poems Composed on 880 North / In the Middle of the Night / In the Storm * * * Visit My Massage Website:Present Touch Massage: Ariana Waynes, CMT * * * Love these ones, too:Apocalypse AngelCubicle GirlDipti OrangepeelerMarty McConnell Perceptions PostSecret Roger Bonair-Agard Sriram Wammo The Nation Democracy Now KPFA Michael Moore Furthermore, the notes are not automated - they are all written personally by me. So, you get an extra note/memo/letter (depending on my mood), in which I might just wax philosophic on any number of topics that seem relevant, preferably in a few sentences or less. Or I might talk about how it feels that you all are in this journey with me or I might talk about updates to the site. But whether I say very much or very little on any given day, it feels more personal. Like I'm talking directly to you. I feel more connected to the folks on the notifylist. There, I've said it.
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05.26.03 - 10:51 a.m. I love you. I'm in Napa, working with The Mosaic Project. Helping kids (from Oakland and Berkeley and East Palo Alto and San Mateo) learn to embrace diversity and difference in themselves and others. It's intense. 80 hours a week of intense. And extreme bliss. The most rewarding work I can remember doing. With a staff I'm fully in love with. And a boss I adore. I come home for a day and a half on weekends and then I'm back in the mix again. I'm about to return for the last week. I'm in mourning. I don't want it to end. I don't know where to go from here, what to do with myself. My heart and my soul need work as meaningful as this. I'm learning about my own strength. I'm learning how to stand alone and how to stand close. I'm learning how to hold a space, how to emanate calm, how to stay present. From an hour and a half north of home, I'm learning things that my relationship has caused me to examine. I'm learning that I don't have to prove things to other people any more. That the only person I have to prove things to is myself. I'm learning how to soothe and validate myself when I am troubled or in pain, rather than reaching for someone else to bolster up my shaky confidence. I have found that I am over-reliant on external validation when I am in social settings. I am learning how to take care of myself. And how to sit with myself when I cannot take care of myself well. How to sit with that discomfort and understand that there is strength and growing in it. I have learned that I am a sunflower. I'm so happy there. Even when things are hard. Today, my partner and I will place a canoe in the water. She will sit in the rear and I will sit in the front. We will set out together with picnic food. We will embrace the sun on the water. Our canoe is called The Peacemaker. I am learning a little something about peace. it really means a lot to me when you say hello after stopping by. suddenly, i'm wanting this guestbook to be a forum for further dialogue. |
