I disappeared from this diary and from almost all public and social life for more than a year. I think I disappeared from myself to some degree, as well. I would like to be able to just pick up here where I left off, tacking today's entry to the back of the last, but I can't, because I'm not the same person. Coming back to this space has felt like visiting someone else's home. So I decided to change it to reflect where and who I am right now. I've changed the colors and the layout and I've moved all of the entries from before into their own chamber (the link is to your left). Now this space is beginning to feel more like home to this present me: I'm full of confusion and contradiction and everything that once was true about me has unravelled and lies raw in my hands requiring examination. I'm striving to re-emerge into the world and into some kind of self-knowledge and self-love and to create (with my teeth and my hands from scrach if I can) a strong joyful calm peaceful Ariana out of all of this unfolding. --me, 11.24.02
10-23-01 - Ariana falls, pt.1: the truth
10-23-01 - Ariana falls, pt.3: a gathering of evidence
10-23-01 - Ariana falls, pt.2: touche
10-11-01 - sometimes I don't get it until after the fact
10-04-01 - letter to lupa
08-12-01 - The reason for my incredibly long absence from diaryland...
05-31-01 - The Mating Rituals of Pigeons
05-30-01 - Dance with me / I want my arms about you
05-28-01 - When women are strong
05-28-01 - those wildebeests of South Jersey
05-27-01 - and love is statistically false...
written 05-20-01; posted 05-27-01 - boyfriend / girlfriend / lover / paramour / inamorato
05-26-01 - an excess of thimbles pretending they're kisses and more than enough tears to drown in
05-24-01 - Wincing on the other line
05-24-01 - The Act is Incomplete
05-22-01 - An Open Letter to the Boy
05-09-01 - in the aftermath of apocalypse
05-03-01 - Make a joyful noise!
04-29-01 - lies, all lies, i tell you
04-25-01 - We suspend each other's gravity
04-21-01 - opening night and a proposed change in occupation
04-12-01 - through the looking glass
04-08-01 - we have somersaults to turn
04-04-01 - i talk to myself
04-02-01 - The Ariana I love the best
03-31-01 - and everything will be fine
03-28-01 - Indifference is not a satisfactory end
03-26-01 - obvious in that after-the-fact, hindsight twenty-twenty kind of way
03-24-01 - Tucson, Arizona
03-22-01 - Every mama thinks her kid's the next messiah
03-13-01 - She doesn't even know
03-11-01 - I think / maybe / maybe
03-10-01 - Will you choose a universe preoccupied with uniform behavior?
03-09-01 - Berries running plum over the green field like ink spilled
03-03-01 - Enough time to make a mess, not enough time to clean it up...
02-28-01 - I believe in you
02-26-01 - Where children are not butterflies
02-25-01 - Foxfire
02-18-01 - I don't know if I'll ever see you again...
02-16-01 - Head-over-heels, match-made-in-heaven in-love
02-15-01 - Barbie
02-14-01 - long distance calls and leopard print pajamas
02-13-01 - The phoenix formed by scalloped clouds catching the sunset just so--
02-12-01 - Update Four--Road Trip
01-30-01 - The further chronicles of Conundrum-Lover: Epilogue
01-28-01 - Illuminating the Possible
01-27-01 - My heart fashioned into a mattress and flannel
01-27-01 - An open mind and a sex drive
01-17-01 - Bliss of the Exhausted Variety
01-13-01 - Reach into my chest and tug on my lungs
01-12-01 - Your heart in my hands
01-11-01 - Portland, Oregon. Turiya's Place.
01-11-01 - Letters From The Road 2
01-10-01 - Letters From The Road 1
01-08-01 - For the Poets in Times Without Words
01-07-01 - The whole universe held its breath
01-19-01 - Update Three--Brazil
01-05-01 - Bricks stacked like bars of gold
01-04-01 - Much Ado About Shopping (or Seemingly Minor Disappointments)
01-??-01 - An ecstasy of color and light
12-28-00 - a smooch, a shaved head, and a red bikini
12-28-00 - Não falo português
12-27-00 - In Rehearsal with Blues 2000
12-30-00 - Update two, revised
12-26-00 - "Jesus Died for YOU!" --billboard
12-26-00 - My mother watches soap operas
12-25-00 - Something specific, besides sex
12-25-00 - Christmas morning and Ariana's still insecure
12-25-00 - We stand here with our wishes and our kisses, trying
12-25-00 - What I want for Christmas (ramble, ramble)
12-17-00 - SEPTA R5 Paoli—Lansdale to Philadelphia
12-16-00 - What is ugliness, really?
12-15-00 - Update
12-14-00 - Heart Get Up And Dance
12-08-00 - Everything I Need
12-07-00 - If my academic career goes kaput, you'll still love me, right?
12-06-00 - Details/Eulogy/Refreshments
2000-12-04 - Rest in Peace
2000-12-02 - To My Conundrum Lover/Friend (unsent)
2000-11-30 - Poems, Rice Milk, and Half-a-Loaf of Bread
2000-11-29 - With Apologies to My Vegan/Veggie Friends...
2000-11-27 - In Bed With Fairy Butch
2000-11-23 - In Times Like These of Love and Violence
2000-11-21 - We alternately abuse them and make nests out of them.
2000-11-20 - Baryshnikov
2000-11-19 - Natural Born Killers
2000-11-15 - A bar in my back pocket...
2000-11-15 - Pixels all over the place
2000-11-12 - All the king's horses and all the king's men...
2000-11-11 - "Do it from the heart or not at all." --Jeanette Winterson
2000-11-10 - The lovers, the dreamers, and me . . .
2000-11-08 - My head in my hands, my heart running out a hole in my chest...
2000-11-07 - Vote!! Vote!! Vote!!
2000-11-06 - I didn't reckon you were gonna come...
2000-11-05 - Sonic on Masturbation
2000-11-05 - Words tried to welcome me but my soul drew back
2000-11-02 - Hello, Hello, Hello, Goodbye
2000-10-29 - The Fencesitters Costume Ball
2000-10-26 - An Affair to Remember
2000-10-26 - Monsoon season
2000-10-26 - housecalls
2000-10-25 - learning new things (or how to go green without ever really trying)
2000-10-25 - an Etta James night
(this is where the love goes)
